I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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