My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
