What a fucking waste of an outfit
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
