im drinking this country out of the recession.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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