I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize