Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
