Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
