forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Farmville is her only friend.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize