Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
