Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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