There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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