You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
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