Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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