Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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