I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
