I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
