I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
