I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
