Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
