Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
