Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
