I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize