Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I am one with the molecules
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
