apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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