Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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