Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
