you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize