it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize