I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
