There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
