i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
