Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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