Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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