Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got inside last night via doggy door
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
