come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
