i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
