what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
How does one acquire holy water?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
