Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will be naked everywhere
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Randomize
