Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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