you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
