Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
