Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
