That's when you crack a 10am beer
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
