Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
