I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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