Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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