We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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