At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
