Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
