Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
