You really coming over, don't trick.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
