She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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