Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
