why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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