I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
