Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
