omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
