just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
