im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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