Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Randomize
