Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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