Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
