am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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