I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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