Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
