i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
