There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
