He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
