don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
